im a horrible people's person.
and i really dont know how to do it anymore. i cant have a normal conversation with anybody. its always me wondering what theyd like to hear and then saying it. or just deciding i dont really care what they think and saying something totally stupid.
when someone starts talking about their troubles, i wonder if i really care. when i tell someone about mine i wonder if they really care.
and then i wonder if anybody cares about anyone else?
i perform well when i know people are worse than me.
when i know people are better, i just want to hide in a shell
what does that say about me as a person?
i really wish i had a way with words. of all the talents i lack, i sorely miss the talent of writing. i wish had the gift of translating feelings into words.
i also wish i had the gift of music, the gift of singing my sorrows away.
most of all, i wish i had passion. the kind where all you can see is just one thing. that one thing is your universe, your world, your everything. nothing comes before it, everything comes after. its what keeps you alive. its your purpose in life. its what you were meant to do.
i wonder if i'll ever be able to find that one thing. i wonder if i'm too logical to ever be passionate about anything.
do i really lack the inability to feel anything or is it just an excuse for me to hide my shortcomings?
its funny. how a person can hange so much. i hated excuses. i hated not being able to accept your mistakes. and look where i am now?
why am i turning into someone i hate? why am i losing hope? why have i become so cynical? why can i see no beauty in the world anymore? why has everything ceased fascinating me? why? why? why?
